Transformation: Dana, Chapter Two

Good morning, friends!

As I continue to crack the surface of  what makes me tick and how to fix the things that need to be fixed I need to share an observation.

I’m not sure when I become invisible.  It started sometime in the mid-80’s, I think.  The process was complete by the mid-90’s.  I used to be very physically fit.  I was a swimmer, lifeguard, instructor.  I played softball.  I rode horses.  I biked.  I was fully visible for what I was, a vibrant, fit, sexually attractive young woman.  That lasted through my first marriage and the birth of both of my older children then I began to disappear.  I was so busy living that I allowed myself to be put last.  I acknowledge that “putting yourself on the back burner” is a trendy thing to say now but, for me, it was true.  In those years I was working full-time with two small children, going to college part-time in the evenings, maintaining a home and trying to keep an unhappy husband happy.  There was no time to focus on me or what I needed.  This is not a sob story.  I know my strengths.  I can pull myself together and clean up nicely and I fooled a lot of people most of the time.  They had no idea that I was invisible because they saw a sharp, friendly, intelligent, put-together woman.  But the real Dana was in hiding.  She had been replaced by a woman who focused on doing the right thing at the right time for everyone else and I was good at it.

Then that life ended.  The unhappy husband decided that he could be happier elsewhere and off he went.  I was tasked with picking up the pieces, surrounding my children with love and stability and, to everyone’s surprise, moving on.

Eventually, I was rewarded with my husband Jack and I started to see glimpses of me again through his eyes.  I have someone who loves me.  Someone who I can trust.  Someone who I can see living my life with, growing old with.  We laugh.  We enjoy each others company. We put each other first.  And best of all we made two more babies to make our family perfectly complete.

I just turned 60 and one of the main things I want to do is become visible again.  I want to be fit, to be healthy, to be free of this fat suit that I’ve been wearing for over 20 years.   I have all of the equipment I could ever need. I literally could start my own gym!  I have the Total Gym (of Christie Brinkley and Chuck Norris fame), the full Mari Windsor Pilates series, weights, resistance bands, yoga equipment, treadmill, Gazelle, all of Richard Simmons, Jane Fonda, and other marvelous DVD workouts.  There is no excuse other than the million that I’ve made for the past two decades.

To assure every possible success and to provide accountability I will be seeking help and guidance along the way. I want to be fully realized again. I want to have energy, to climb stairs without being winded, to be proud of myself, to have self-confidence again. That is my goal.  I know I’ll never be the shape I was in at 18.  I just want to be the best that I can be at this stage of my life. I bought a FitBit (get one and join me) to track my steps, food and water intake, exercise, heart rate, etc.  Are any of you in the same boat? Can you relate?  Would you like to join me in my rediscovery?  The more the merrier! It will be an adventure.

Sending love and light your way.
Dana